In the event (unlikely or not) that you're putting together a resume any time soon, I suggest a proof reader. These are funny...
RESUME FAUX PAS
Typos and Grammar Slips:
"Suspected to graduate early next year."
"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
"I am a rabid typist."
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
"Work History: Performed brain wave tests, 1879-1981."
"After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work."
"As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments."
"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
"Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."
More Resume Blunders:
"Fired because I fought for lower pay."
"Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6'5"." (one of my favorites...)
"Please disregard the enclosed resume--it is terribly out of date."
"Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10."
"Qualifications: No education or experience."
"I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy."
"My compensation should be at least equal to my age."
"Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC."
"Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near."
"Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."