My $5 Car...I'm Not Kidding

I live approx. 200 yards from a large car dealership. It seems they always have some sort of giveaway, drawing, and gimmick to get people over to the lot. For the last week, they've given away a car for $5, one per night. I decided that I lived close enough to justify going over and seeing what happens. And as luck would have it, I am now the proud owner of a 1997 Ford Contour, with over 148,ooo miles. Go figure. And I said I would never own another Ford, after what has affectionately been referred to in my family as "The Tempo Debacle of 1990."

Anyway, the jury is still out on the Contour. It does run, and for those that know me, it runs a little like several of the cars I've owned. For those who don't know me, I've owned what can only be referred to as some "hum dingers." However, the Contour has many "things" going on, and I've spent little time uncovering all of those. Obviously, it wasn't real closely taken car of by its previous owner. I've only driven it the 200 yards from the dealership to my house. Only then did I discover that I have to roll down the window to open the door! Admittedly, I laughed out loud. And though you can't see from this picture, the front bumper has somehow drooped down (my best description), and the previous owner thought using some packing tape to hold it in place would be a good idea!

So, much may be fixable, including the Scotch Tape job on the front. I'm trying to decide what to do with the car...your advice would be helpful. Sell? Keep? Other?

Irony

Sometimes, the irony just provides the humor. Couldn't help but laugh when I saw the name of the actress who plays Mother Teresa....

Miracles Never Cease

I'm not sure which is more frightening...that someone thought these porcelin items would be a good idea to produce, or that there are those out there looking to buy stuff like this. But what is REALLY funny and disturbing is the "entire collection" of Jesus porcelin figurines. Go ahead, name the sport...you can find a Jesus to match. My favorites? Its a toss-up between golf & martial arts. Go ahead...do your own shopping and pick your fave! I'm disappointed that curling didn't make the list...

You can view these "works of art" here...
(Apparently, another funny tid-bit...all of the "children" in these figurines are Caucasion. Not to worry...more politically correct figures are on the way. Wonder if they'll stick with the Caucasion Jesus, or if they'll make him look, well, like a Jewish middle-east resident??)

rapture

Are you ready??

Political Science 101

DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.You feel guilty for being successful.Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICANISM
You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.The government seizes both and provides you with milk.You wait in line for hours to get it.It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.Your stock goes up
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.You go on strike because you want three cows.You go to lunch and drink wine.Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.You break for lunch.Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.You have some vodka.You count them and learn you have five cows.You have some more vodka.You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.They go into hiding.They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.The cow is schizophrenic.Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.The cow asks permission to be cut in half! .The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.Everyone votes for the best-looking one.Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.Some people vote for both.Some people vote for neither.Some people can't figure ! out how to vote at all.Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.They make real California cheese.Only five speak English.Most are illegals.Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Another Tribe, Another New Testament

I'm a big fan and believer in the little-known efforts around the world to translate the Bible into native languages. There are a number of groups I'm aware of that work in this important arena, including Pioneer Bible Translators, Wycliffe Bible Translators, and New Tribes. I have acquaintences & friends in the first two organizations, who labor in Indonesia and Papau New Guinea. Here's a short story from Mission Network News about a people group that will soon receive its own New Testament....

Papua New Guinea (MNN)--New Tribes Mission reports success in a Papua New Guinea New Testament translation project that has lasted seven years. The completed efforts arrived in the form of 15-hundred copies of a beautifully bound Asengseng New Testament. The New Testaments will soon be on their way for a two-month voyage to West New Britain in Papua New Guinea. Their arrival will occasion a joyous celebration for four Asengseng elders -- Giaman, Krosli, Wisnamli and Tawin -- 20 Bible teachers, and the believers in ten local churches who are eagerly waiting to get the new Book in their hands.In preparation for this, Bible teachers last year began working toward chronological teaching at Elihi, another village in Asengseng. Pray for the literacy classes which are continuing in various villages throughout Asengseng - both teachers and students.

If you would, pray for those working in villages around the world, learning languages, teaching literacy, and slowly making God's Word come alive.

You Know You're Church Is A Redneck Church...

IF the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
IF people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
WHEN the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,"
five guys and two women stand up.
IF opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
IF a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
IF the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
WHEN in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
IF Baptism is referred to as "branding".
IF high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
IF people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
IF the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.
IF the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
IF the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.
IF instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.
IF the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
IF the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill".
IF "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.
IF the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"

Efforting for Clean Water

This is a cool opportunity to literally save a life. The Living Water International folks are challenging us to drink nothing but water for 2 weeks, and to donate the money we would have spent on soft drinks, etc. to the effort to provide clean water in places around the globe where it doesn't exist.

Anyone want to join me? Together, we could pool our $, and make a difference. Click the pic above to go to the site. Click here to watch a video that might stimulate your interest.

Middle East Mess

I'll admit it - I have little idea what's going on (or why its going on) in the Middle East. I usually think that just makes me not-so-smart, uninformed, or apathetic. But I think I'm really just more the average American.

This article struck a chord with me, and you should read it. It's from Christianity Today and is entitled Another Point of View: Evangelical Blindness on Lebanon. Make sure you read the opening disclaimer, and keep in mind that this is simply another point of view, not necessarily mine. I'm not smart enough or informed enough to really have a point of view on this and many things (oddly enough, that doesn't seem to stop some people from having the "definitive" answer to any and all things!)

The Trifecta Brush with Fame

I've had my share of rather random brushes with fame. But this one was the triple whammy. There's a lot to the story, and I won't bore you with too much minutiae, but I happened to be in Great American Ballpark last night for the Reds/Mets game. It was a long night - a lengthy rain delay, hot & sticky, etc. But then in walks Dennis Miller, Ron Howard, and Tom Hanks. We were fortunate to see them early on, before the masses caught on that they were in attendance. They walked right by us on at least 3 occasions. I did a polite wave and said "Mr. Miller" and received a wave in return. Unfortunately, my camera was not working properly to do me much good, and when I could get it to cooperate, the thugs/security (which I understand is very necessary for these kind of people...the throngs of folks trying to get near them was kinda funny to watch) wouldn't let you get too close. So I got a couple of great shots of the back of their heads! Anyway, my son actually stuck his hand out as the entourage was leaving and got the customary "hand bump" from Hanks. Pretty cool. Somewhat larger than life, but in a regular guy kinda way. The pic above is from the Cincinnati Enquirer story, with a link to the interview...

The crowd was kinda funny, once the word was out that Hanks & Co. were in attendance. When things would get quiet enough, you would hear someone yell "Wilson!" or "Run, Forest, Run." I think I even heard an "Opie Cunningham" reference (from back when SNL was funny). Interestingly, no one mentioned The Terminal...though the length of the game last night (Reds pulled it out with 3 runs in the bottom of the 8th) started to feel like The Terminal.

On a much more exciting & interesting note, I snagged my first-ever foul ball in the top of the 9th inning (at approx. 12:35 am) off the bat of Julio Franco, who I think has been playing baseball since its invention. The smile on my son's face when I placed that in his glove.....priceless!

Most Influential Churches?

I'm not sure this new list really matters, but there is a site/magazine that puts out their yearly take on the "50 Most Influential Churches in America". I'm not sure the measuring stick that's used, nor am I convinced there should be one. What we don't need are more examples of churches we should all try to copy. I'm also convinced that a church of 15o people in a town of 1,000 can be just as influential as a chuch of thousands in a major city. But it makes for interesting chat. Check out the list...strangely enough, from what I know of a few of these places, I would agree that they're influential and are playing an important role not only in their location, but they're also "mixing it up" with our culture. Ball is now in your lap...

World Cup Soccer - Zidane - Headbutt

I didn't see this live, but its all over the news. Dude really clocks the guy. This Zidane guy is one of the best players supposedly. Guess anyone can lose it in the heat of the moment!

Firework Fun

Want to do your own on-screen fireworks show? Check out this link and have a rousing good time......

TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR CHURCH-SPONSORED FIREWORKS DISPLAYS
10. Disciple sparklers
9. Janitor Bob's burning of pile of flammable, secular cleaning supplies
8. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in that old sparking electric furnace, stored in church garage
7. Youth group shoots bottle rockets at floundering Noah's Ark
6. David slays Goliath by telling him to light fuse and not get away
5. Book of Romans Candles
4. Exploding M-80 causes donkey to bolt during triumphal entrance into Jerusalem
3. Moses loses a finger lighting Spinning Burning Bush
2. Finale has Lazarus shooting out of tomb on an exploding shell
1. Joseph and the Amazingly Flammable Dreamcoat

Copyright 2006 Dave Tippett (djtippHA@yahoo.com). Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.

KY's Republican Governor

Just returned from a 24-hour trip to a Christian convention in Louisville, KY. I don't make it to this event often, but when its close, I find it a little encouraging and fun. I guess it was fine. We did get to spend a little time with folks we've known over the years. I do get sort of tired of the questions "so how big is your church" and my favorite question "so what is it you do now?" That one has no easy answer, so I get to describe in detail the "unique" position I have. All in all, it was fine.

One moment of shear annoyance took place during one of the main sessions I attended. I'm not sure the attendance - I would guess approx. 8,000 - 10,000. Wayne Smith, a popular retired preacher who is a treat to hear, was introducing Ernie Fletcher, his friend and the governor of Kentucky. He started by saying that "Ernie Fletcher is the first Republican governor of Kentucky in 50 years." And then it happend...people applauded. Some 9,000 Christians all packed into a room, sharing their joy that finally the great state of Kentucky was being led by God's chosen party - the Republicans.

I've got nothing against Fletcher - he read scripture & prayed and seemed like a good guy. And all Smith did was point out the fact that there hasn't been a Republican in that office in KY in a good long while. What irks me is this on-demand triggered response from the crowd. As though somehow there was now hope for Kentucky, since the God-party was in power!

How did the church of Jesus become only about two causes: abortion & homosexuality? I agree, those are issues that should concern us. (I contend a lot more is being done by Biblical "one-anothering" than by legislation, but I know there is much debate here...) But the poor & disenfranchised, the environment, and a host of other problems in our country and in our world are important issues as well, and those are issues that "we Republicans" tend to avoid. Funny, Jesus had a lot more to say about those issues than he did about the "pet" issues the Republicans have used to get the evangelical Christian vote. Just a question...has anything changed??

(The image above is a bumper sticker...you can get it here)

Church Sign Generator

From time to time, I've documented my disdain for various church signs that I've driven past. Nothing like a "God always checks his knee-mail" slogan on a church sign to just make me feel all cheery about how we're communicating the Gospel to our culture.

But I've decided to join in on the fun. Someone sent me the "Church Sign Generator," which enables me to put whatever I want on a church sign (there are also links there to make George Bush, Chuck Norris, etc. say or think whatever you want them to say or think!) Anyway, its kinda fun. Here's my own attempt at a generated church sign, with a phrase that I heard a guy years ago use every time he got in front of a microphone. He had the uncanny ability to use this quote in any sermon.

Enjoy!

Road Icons

Here's an interesting contest of sorts. You can send in pics of religious-themed places and perhaps win. I think you can win...maybe its just a bunch of pics. Anyway, here is a link to a few. Some and interesting; others just make you want to say "hmmmmm." You can draw your own conclusions. Click on the "Take the Trip" and see some examples. Here is the world's largest 10 Commandments in Murphy, NC. You can also see the World's Largest New Testament there, too.

A Reading Maniac

Just returned from vacation. In the days leading up to my time away, and also while sitting in the sun by the lake, I polished off four books. All were good, all very different. A brief synopsis:

"Confessions of a Reformission Rev." by Mark Driscoll
Wow, this book was incredible. I couldn't put it down. It's the story of Mars Hill church in Seattle (www.marshillchurch.org), and is one of those books I can't stop recommending to everyone I know. Including you. This is church-on-purpose like none other. Not only that, but Driscoll is just flat out hilarious at times. I had a couple of those laugh-so-hard-you-can't-tell-anyone-why-you're-laughing kind of things. My kids actually asked me if I was OK. An oxygen tank would have been nice, I think. All in all, its a story of how a church happened. It wasn't/isn't easy, and Driscoll makes sure we know that. He's certainly not afraid to barbeque a sacred cow or two. Which is one of the reasons I liked it so much. His previous book, The Radical Reformission, is also a terrific book.

"The DaVinci Code" by Dan Brown
Frankly, I enjoyed the book. And managed to escape with my faith in tact! Come on, its fiction. I couldn't wait to see what would happen next! Funny how a few weeks after the movie premiered, is anyone still ranting and raving about it? I found it to be a fun yarn, and wasn't at all offended or threatened by what to me was obviously fiction. Plus, I like to use the word "yarn."

"The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne
Along with a few other radicals, (subtitle of the book is "Living as an Ordinary Radical), Claiborne and friends founded The Simple Way, a community in the inner city of Philadelphia. Claiborne spent some time with Mother Theresa, and is one of those who went to 'find his own Calcutta,' so to speak. So they're doing it, its radical, and its extremely interesting and attractive. This was a different read, but well worth it. Oh, and he also went to Iraq and just went around ministering to people. God is definitely working through these folks, and you'll be challenged if you read the book. I can recommend it (not sure I can recommend just getting on a plane and going to Iraq!)

"Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith" by Rob Bell
I'm not one to call a book an "important" book, but I feel like this one is. It's actually my second time through it, this time with a highlighter. He makes me think, as he has many others who have commented about the book. It's just full of thought-provoking stuff that helps me see things a little differently than my conservative, evangelical, fundamental upbringing. Many things to quote, and some might lose emphasis if out of context, but here is one section...

"I think that the way of Jesus is the best possible way to live. This isn't irrational or primitive or blind faith. It is merely being honest that we all are living a "way."

• I'm convinced being generous is a better way to live.
• I'm convinced forgiving people and not carrying around bitterness is a better way to live.
• I'm convinced having compassion is a better way to live.
• I'm convinced pursuing peace in every situation is a better way to live.
• I'm convinced listening to the wisdom of others is a better way to live.
• I'm convinced being honest with people is a better way to live.

Anyway, its a read that I think is important - too much worth quoting. His point above is that we all are following a "way." The way of Jesus is just a better way. Period (uh, not necessarily the way of Jesus that's described by many on the fundamental right-wing...)

Pacman

Pacman

I'm a proud descendant of the Pac-Man generation. Someone sent me this, and I found it insightful. It never occured to me that Mr. or Mrs. Pac was actually frightened from the colorful blobs that chased them around. I wonder how Mario felt about those barrels being thrown by that large monkey??

Roaring Lambs VI - Go See 'Triple Espresso'

Around 10 years ago or so, my wife and I were at a conference in San Diego. We paid the extra fee for the evening banquet and entertainment, which would be hosted by 3 comedians that we had seen previously, and had always enjoyed. We were treated to a fabulous off-broadway-type show that these three guys created, called Triple Espresso. It was a blast!

Turns out, these guys were rather serious about their comedy. Triple Espresso has been a long-running show in both Minneapolis and San Diego, and has begun to travel to other cities.

Sunday night, we took a group of friends to Indianapolis to see the show, and we were not disappointed! Though not the original cast (I guess those 3 creators just sit back and cash the checks...), these guys were very good. They have around 30 or so actors that they have trained to perform Triple Espresso, which makes it possible to have it running simultaneously around the world.

I'm a big proponent of Christians flavoring our culture (OK, I stole the whole thing from Jesus!) We need Christians who write, act, sing, paint, whatever. Problem is, most Christians who do these things only do so for other Christians! And we wonder where the "salt & light" influences in our culture have gone. Mostly, they're holed up in an obscure Christian bookstore that only a small segment of our society would ever enter in the first place. But one of the things I like most about Triple Espresso, (which is not some sort of Christian event at all), is that its good art - written and produced and directed and acted (for the most part) by Christians. Roaring Lambs, serving the most creative being in the universe, using their God-inspired creativity. Not to mention that you'll laugh a lot!

The Indianapolis run has been extended due to popular demand! It runs through June 25th at the Indianapolis Repertory Theatre, located downtown, almost next door to Circle Center. Well worth your time and money (not exactly cheap, but a terrific night out...if you're one of my baker's dozen of people who actually read this, I have coupons for $5 off if you're interested...)

Check out Triple Espresso at their site for clips, comments, etc.

School Overcrowding "A Good Problem?"

School is winding down. Today happens to be the last day for my kids. Next year, I will have kids in 3 different school buildings. That should be interesting. This year, my two youngest were in one of the brand new "mega, Taj Mahal-type" schools that have been built with my tax dollars. It's very nice & all. And huge.

Recently, I've been at 3 different school program-type events at the aforementioned Taj Mahal school. Just for the 2nd & 3rd grade program, the new, large gymanasium was packed, standing room only. Wall to wall people.

The principal steps up to the mic and says "Isn't this a great problem to have?"

Well, frankly, no, its not a good problem to have. Somebody please explain to me how this problem is good. Granted, every school program that I ever attended at our quaint old school that was shut down last year was also crowded. But many of those had the entire school and their parents shoved into the gym (one that was much smaller). Not to mention smaller classrooms, etc.

So after this first year in the Taj Mahal, our school system has decided to move some 150 or so kids to a couple of other schools. On the surface, this seems like a good idea to aleviate some overcrowding. I suppose it would be if they chose to use that decrease in number to ease the classroom numbers per teacher. But in their wisdom, that isn't happening. In fact, instead of making the classes smaller, they will stay the same. The result of moving kids out will actually leave empty classrooms.

I guess there are mysteries in life that are hard to explain. I'm not sure which leadership group I'm least impressed with...my local school system, or that guy who somehow got re-elected as mayor of New Orleans. (names withheld to protect the guilty).