Despair Wear

These guys really make me laugh. I get regular emails with their new shirts and Demotivators designs. I particularly like this one that is pictured. See more of their odd type of humor here - make sure you check out some of the Demotivators posters. My favorites are Hope, Idiocy, Potential, Wishes, and Tradition. Fun stuff!

Big Butter Jesus by Heywood Banks

Song by Heywood about this giant statue of Jesus that looks like its made from butter (some locals say it looks like cheese...they call it Cheesus) IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, first of all, life is too short, so lighten up. But don't watch this if even the title of the song bugs you...this is awfully funny!

Bunny Humor

ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY
~ Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
~ Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
~ Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
~ All work and no play can make you a basket case.
~ Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
~ Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
~ Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.
~ The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.
~ An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
~ To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.
~ The best things in life are still sweet and gooey!
today'sTHOT==================================
Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter.
Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Christmas.

(Thanks to Mikey's Funnies...check them out & sign up for his daily funny at
www.mikeysFunnies.com)

Made Me Laugh

Came across this picture. This whole "evangelical" thing is pretty confusing. There are some I don't mind being "lumped in" with; others, I would rather not be all that affiliated. It's a confusing nametag. Maybe if a device like this existed, it would be a less perplexing world.

Psyche Ward Christmas Carols

• Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
• Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
• Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
• Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
• Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
• Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
• Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
• Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
• Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,

Do I Creep You Out?

Found this humorous...Weird Al and the JibJab guys joining forces...

Do I Creep You Out | Send To Friends | Funny Animations at JibJab

Jesus for Tots

Seems the good folks at the Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Company, and their one2believe division, had a good idea. Give 4,000 of their talking Jesus doll to the Toys For Tots program. Only problem...the TFT people don't want scripture-quoting Jesus dolls. So they said no (read about it here). Not a big deal, thinks I...can't the folks at the doll company just give away the Jesus dolls anyway? Seems like that's what we're supposed to be doing anyway with this free Gospel we've been given, the one so many have exploited & capitalized. Click the picture to order your own version, including David, Moses and others!

Prescription Drug or Metal Band?

A little something fun....answers at the end!

Prescription Drug or Metal Band?
BY ERYK SALVAGGIO
- - - -
1. Norvasc
2. Xentrix
3. Skelaxin
4. Glycolax
5. Eidolon
6. Acyclovir
7. Hirax
8. Mythotyn
9. Krabathor
10. Ilium
11. Ketek
12. Insomnium
13. Armour Thyroid
14. Depakote
15. Lantus
16. Diovan
17. Zetia
18. Gorgoroth
19. Amebix
20. Finntroll
21. Behexen
22. Flonase
23. Xalatan
24. Avelox
25. Ted Nugent
26. Treponem Pal
27. Advair Diskus
28. Zocor
29. Ensiferum
30. Ambien

Metal bands: 2, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 18, 19, 20, 21, 23, 25, 26, 29
Prescription drugs: 1, 3, 4, 6, 11, 13, 14, 16, 17, 22, 24, 27, 28, 30

Fancy New T's

Came across this random T-shirt company appropriately named randomshirts.com . Thought I would share a couple of designs that made me chuckle.... most shirts are only $10. Kinda fun...

"I'll hit you with these crutches!"

By now we've all heard about & probably seen the footage of the footbrawl during Saturday night's game in Miami. It was an ugly mess. I of course missed it live, and went looking online to see what all the fuss was about. A couple of observations....first, before I found video, I found pictures. It became apparent that pictures of a football fight looks a lot like football. Then I came across this picture, and wondered what the guy on crutches was thinking! And if you haven't seen the footage and/or listened to the idiot broadcaster, that's worth you time. Not only should several of those players be kicked off their teams, but that broadcaster (a former Miami player, I'm told) should be looking for a job elsewhere. I'm sure there's a Shoney's breakfast bar he could stock or something. I guess the honest truth is, as ugly & wrong as the whole footbrawl incident is, do we have a certain sense of fascination at watching it unfold? Are there people who would actually pay to see this happen? Isn't this the sum total of the appeal of the National Hockey League anyway? Do we all have a little Roman colliseum mentality hidden deep within our psyche?

Meditteranean, Anyone?

So, today I broke all personal rules and went through the McDonald's drive-thru. I have been fairly good lately, and since I had a dentist appointment that was cancelled, I had a few extra minutes. I purchased one of the "meal deal" options, which gave me a tasty sandwich, a hasbrown, and a medium diet coke. Fortunately, the fine folks at McDonald's are entrenched in their Monopoly promotion, so I had the chance to unveil the "playing pieces" and win big prizes! Imagine my suprise when both playing pieces from the diet coke cup were both Baltic Avenue. Odd, but no problem, thinks I. The hashbrown "containalope" will undoubtedly bring me greater fortunes. Or so I thought. Imagine my surprise when I once again unveiled 2 more Baltic Avenue playing pieces! Is there some sort of Monoply nazi out there just messing with people? I don't know...maybe mix in a railroad, one of those high-dollar dark blue pieces, maybe even have me go to jail? Is there some sort of 'Monopoly Monopoly' going on? Like a few years ago, when some folks managed to con Ronald & friends from a few hundred thousand bucks during the Monopoly bust of '03? Some disgruntled Cheesburgler dude in a factory matching all of the playing pieces on the cups & 'containalopes' just to mess with people? Well, I'm not letting this get me down. I've determined my options are this...

1. Solicit as many Mediteranean playing pieces I can get and give the money to missions (if you have a Baltic and a Mediteranean piece, you win $100....so I'm halfway to $400....that will send a kid to Bible College in the Philippines for a year...)
2. Solict more Baltic Avenue pieces and wallpaper my basement
3. Boycott McDonalds for the good of my health and wallet (a move that needs to happen anyway)

I think I'll go with 1 and 3, but since 1 is unlikely to actually happen, I'll stick with 3. In the mean time, if you need a Baltic Avenue or four, I'm your man!

(BTW, Super Size Me is one of my favorite movies. If you haven't seen it, check it out. I have the DVD...$2 in a bargain bin...and I'm willing to loan it out!)

The Trifecta Brush with Fame

I've had my share of rather random brushes with fame. But this one was the triple whammy. There's a lot to the story, and I won't bore you with too much minutiae, but I happened to be in Great American Ballpark last night for the Reds/Mets game. It was a long night - a lengthy rain delay, hot & sticky, etc. But then in walks Dennis Miller, Ron Howard, and Tom Hanks. We were fortunate to see them early on, before the masses caught on that they were in attendance. They walked right by us on at least 3 occasions. I did a polite wave and said "Mr. Miller" and received a wave in return. Unfortunately, my camera was not working properly to do me much good, and when I could get it to cooperate, the thugs/security (which I understand is very necessary for these kind of people...the throngs of folks trying to get near them was kinda funny to watch) wouldn't let you get too close. So I got a couple of great shots of the back of their heads! Anyway, my son actually stuck his hand out as the entourage was leaving and got the customary "hand bump" from Hanks. Pretty cool. Somewhat larger than life, but in a regular guy kinda way. The pic above is from the Cincinnati Enquirer story, with a link to the interview...

The crowd was kinda funny, once the word was out that Hanks & Co. were in attendance. When things would get quiet enough, you would hear someone yell "Wilson!" or "Run, Forest, Run." I think I even heard an "Opie Cunningham" reference (from back when SNL was funny). Interestingly, no one mentioned The Terminal...though the length of the game last night (Reds pulled it out with 3 runs in the bottom of the 8th) started to feel like The Terminal.

On a much more exciting & interesting note, I snagged my first-ever foul ball in the top of the 9th inning (at approx. 12:35 am) off the bat of Julio Franco, who I think has been playing baseball since its invention. The smile on my son's face when I placed that in his glove.....priceless!

Firework Fun

Want to do your own on-screen fireworks show? Check out this link and have a rousing good time......

TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR CHURCH-SPONSORED FIREWORKS DISPLAYS
10. Disciple sparklers
9. Janitor Bob's burning of pile of flammable, secular cleaning supplies
8. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in that old sparking electric furnace, stored in church garage
7. Youth group shoots bottle rockets at floundering Noah's Ark
6. David slays Goliath by telling him to light fuse and not get away
5. Book of Romans Candles
4. Exploding M-80 causes donkey to bolt during triumphal entrance into Jerusalem
3. Moses loses a finger lighting Spinning Burning Bush
2. Finale has Lazarus shooting out of tomb on an exploding shell
1. Joseph and the Amazingly Flammable Dreamcoat

Copyright 2006 Dave Tippett (djtippHA@yahoo.com). Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.

Pacman

Pacman

I'm a proud descendant of the Pac-Man generation. Someone sent me this, and I found it insightful. It never occured to me that Mr. or Mrs. Pac was actually frightened from the colorful blobs that chased them around. I wonder how Mario felt about those barrels being thrown by that large monkey??

Clay Faken on Idol

OK, so we are AI watchers at our house. There really isn't much that we can watch together as a family, and the music dna in our system warrants that we tune in.

The finale had a particularly funny moment, combining one of the early round "bad" singers with one of the current stars that the show is responsible for launching. If you didn't see it, it was kinda funny. The guy's name is Michael Sandecki, who claims to be a Clay Aiken look-alike. Apparently, it was enough for Clay to change his hairstyle. Here it is...

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2730200

Engineers Crack The "Woman Code"

A Mystic Funny

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



(more at www.mikeysfunnies.com)

Bird Flu Hits Florida Retirement Village

Top 10 Surprises In "The Da Vinci Code"

TOP TEN SURPRISES IN "THE DA VINCI CODE"
By Dave Tippett
10. In Last Supper painting, Da Vinci drew himself in background as waiter preparing the bill
9. In the painting, James seen listening to iPod in background
8. In movie, TV in background has old "Andy of Mayberry" episode on, the one where Aunt Bea warns Opie to not be involved in no heresy
7. One disciple at Last Supper table seems to have Nike swoosh on his sandal
6. Da Vinci’s "Mona Lisa" revealed to have been first wife of that American Gothic farmer guy with the pitch fork
5. Was discovered that Da Vinci was insanely jealous of the ancient ancestor of Thomas Kincaide and their better-selling "The Soft Lighting Last Supper" painting
4. Da Vinci's followup painting was first velveteen Elvis
3. The Books of Judas and Mary Magdalene traced to goofy teens on MySpace.com
2. "Code" actually just Da Vinci’s ATM card pin
1. Closer examination of Last Supper’s tablecloth reveals food strains that map out who shot JFK
Copyright 2006 Dave Tippett (djtippHA@yahoo.com).

Born Again Chickens

Once again, I'm somewhat speechless. My friend Kyle, one of the faithful dozen, sent this link to Walmart's music catalog (where he finds some of the stuff he sends me is a complete myster). This is apparently legit, though I'm unclear on who actually might purchase "Praise & Eggs" by the Born Again Chickens. Although, they cluck a mean version of "A Mighty Rooster Is Our God."

Really, aren't they worried about lightning striking them on the spot? Now that's what I call fried chicken! Other song titles include "Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God of Poultry" and "Onward Christian Chickens, Marching 'Cross The Road." I'm not sure which bothers me the most - that this even exists, or that Walmart carries it at all!

I'm looking forward to Volume II: "I Could Cluck Of Your Love Forever," featuring all the hottest, most overdone new worship songs of the church.

You have to check out this site...Walmart does give you a chance to hear the songs, which I assure you is eggciting (sorry....just yolkin' around).

If you need me, I'll be out having an omlette somewhere.